January 25, 2023

As a January Capricorn I tend to always make things about me, but this past weekend it was time to celebrate my momma. For those of you who have been grateful enough to meet my mother you know how special she is and how special she is to me. As her oldest son, I was often asked how I felt about her getting married. Thankful is the word that comes to mind. Ever since I was a child I seldom saw my mother happy. In my adolescence, it was more of the same. I still don’t know have a real grasp of the burdens she carried being a single teenage mother and later being in an abusive relationship that fractured our family. But what I did finally grasp over these past few days is that my mother is finally at peace.

Me being me, I wish I could take the credit for that, but I can’t. By the grace of God or the universe or fate or whatever you want to call it she has been blessed with a man who loves her for her and appreciates the beauty she embodies. Everything happened fairly quickly and I’m still a bit skeptical and apprehensive about the whole situation, but if there is any time to believe in a higher power it’s now.

Although my father birthed me and my mother’s second partner birthed my brother and sister, I have great disdain for both of them. If I was to thank them for anything it would be for showing me what not to do as a man. My father left my mother with a newborn. Her second partner abused her verbally and physically almost daily. I’ve vowed to never do any of that. If I bring a child into this world and things turn sour, I promise I will do everything in my power to be a father to that child. As for domestic violence it has no place in this world.

Irene Leal is now Irene Gonzales. I would like to thank Carlos Gonzales for making this happen. As I mentioned all of this happened fairly quickly. One moment it was my mom had a boyfriend, then a fiancé and now a husband. I find solace knowing they met at church and not somewhere scandalous. He works as the head of security at the church and she volunteers in the book store. A match made in heaven. I’ve never been one to practice religion. That’s always been my mom’s thing and although I don’t adhere to the practices I still have to respect what her God has done for her and continues to do for her.

It’s a blessing that my mother has made it this far. She’s been through hell and I don’t mean that figuratively. The things my mother has been through would make the average person crack. It’s why after every time I fuck up, I have to keep going. I must dust myself off and get back to work. If my mother can get through the things she been through, then I must too.

I shared a special moment with my mother that night. We danced to Bill Wither’s “Lean on Me.” I cried like a fucking baby. A wave of emotions hit me and I couldn’t stop crying. My mother has always been my rock. I’ve disappointed her time and time again. I’ve made her upset. I’ve made her cry. I’ve infuriated her and disrespected her so many times throughout the years. But she’s stood by me. Despite my flaws, my transgressions and my mistakes she’s always let me lean on her for guidance and strength. I’m eternally grateful for that.

I’ve always worried about my mother’s happiness and sanity. You don’t know how thankful I am that I don’t need to worry about that anymore.